To Pierce or not to Pierce?

Diogenes was by no means an ordinary chap. Not at all! He was a bit of a conservative philosopher, although with a sense of humor, and he was convinced that he had a "calling", very much like the mission of the original Diogenes from the barrel. Had he lived during the Hellenistic period, he, no doubt, would have been noticed and, perhaps, celebrated. But now, in the 21st century, when common sense has been replaced with individual sense and universal values have been substituted with personal "values", Diogenes was rejected as a misanthropist. Yet, his heart was full of love and compassion for fellow humans, but who would believe him?

During Christmas' week of 2005 he had visited London and spent a lot of time walking in areas like Soho, Oxford Circus and Piccadilly Circus. He wasn't interested in shopping. He couldn't afford much, anyway. But he was interested in studying people by looking at their faces, the way they dressed and the manner they spoke. He was stricken in particular by some youngsters' "forky" hairstyle - sometimes pink, sometimes yellow - and their profound body piercing. Oh, how did he wish that he could stand up in one of those crowded places and preach a sensible message to the masses! He envied some street "evangelists" who were fervently inviting people to be "saved", bravely ignoring the mocking and the hostile glances of passers by.

So, how could he deliver his message - a critical view of body piercing? Well, "where there is a will there is a way", the saying goes. And the best way of delivering his message would be through a certain discussion board in which he had been posting in the previous year under a different name. Besides, posting his view in a discussion forum was, at least, physically safe. He wouldn't be in danger of being beaten up, except verbally. So, upon his return to Bristol he got ready for preaching on the board. Here is his first post:

"Hello everybody and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you!

I have been thinking of making some new-year resolutions tonight, and one of these is about body piercing. To PIERCE or not to PIERCE??? This is the big question to which I am agonizing to give the right answer. You see, I wear a ponytail and this usually goes well with earrings, at least half a dozen of them on each ear. Doesn't it?

But as I was contemplating about this, I thought, once my ears are pierced then my nose will get jealous and will want to be pierced, too. And then my eyebrows, my lips, and my tongue will expect to be pierced so as to not look out of fashion. Going further down on my body, I realized that my nipples should not be left out of fashion, neither should my navel. They, too, should be pierced!

Then I came to my very intimate parts at the top of my legs and, as I was tenderly touching them, I wondered if the ultimate fashion of piercing should reach them as well. Should I pierce my precious vital organ or not, I wondered... And if I did, would this make the penetration to narrow passages hard? Difficult question, isn't it?

Oh, just thinking about it felt as a nightmare! Was it the fear of pain that made me shivering? But, there again, 'no pain, no gain', I reckoned... Would the pain justify the gain? I wondered! 'I must be brave!' I said to myself. 'I should not be a coward! I must overcome this ugly fear, which tries to keep me out of fashion!' Perhaps, I thought, there might be some people in this board with a few holes in their bodies, who could encourage me to make this great new-year resolution.

Could anyone advise me: to pierce or not to pierce? And if I pierced, what pleasure shall I derive from it? Would I be happier? More acceptable by modern society, more fun to be with? What would I gain from going through this pain? A lot of serious questions that demand an answer... Is there anyone in this board who could answer all or, at least, some of these questions, please? And if you come back to me, could you please indicate under your name: 'pierced', or 'not pierced', accordingly? This way I will be able to evaluate your answers. Because it is different when the answer comes from experience than from observation or prejudice.

Oh, by the way, does any one know where this fashion came from? Which people, in which country, at what year the first brave pierced man or woman appeared? Looking forward to your answers. Thanks! Diogenes"

The answers started pouring in immediately! Just as he had guessed, everybody took Diogenes' seriously and showed compassion. No one suspected the irony behind the questions. Here are excerpts from some of the postings:

CHARLES: "1st Piercing? Probably Neanderthals. Go get your ears done, and take it from there... If you don't like it the holes will fill back in. I've got a pierce in each ear and always wear my gold or diamond studs...Navels are nice, but not for me... Yet, make sure a qualified person does the piercing and you follow their hygiene instructions, or serious infection can result. It has to be done in a completely sterilized fashion and then you need to apply antibacterial/fungal ointment everyday for several weeks and keep the ears sterile... Good luck!"

ZIZI: "I would start out slowly, with the ears. It can get to be too much real quick and you'll look like a freak! It also is not healthy for you to be trying to heal too many piercings at the same time. Make sure you go to a professional piercer and don't have them done with a gun at the mall. I have earings (one in left lobe, 2 in right lobe and one high in the right cartilage), a tiny diamond nose stud, and a quarter-sized tattoo on my ankle that I regret. Piercings at least are reversible as long as you're not stretching them out."

BOB: "Piercing? It is a case of personal freedom. DO be aware that tongue piercing is very dangerous. Best of luck, it's all about your personal freedom.

GAYMAN: "It's all personal preference - but do remember that excessive facial piercing can reduce your employment options. I've had several piercings and many of them have healed closed (mainly because I couldn't be bothered with them anymore) and now just keep an ear pierced. When you first get it done you have a feeling that everyone is staring at you (like an ear stud REALLY makes you stand out). Tongue piercings or anything below the waist really hits my squeak buttons. Oh, and while ears do not hurt, do not believe what they tell you about anywhere else. Like tattoos, they hurt."

By now Diogenes was fed up. Surprisingly, no one had stepped in to give the answer he was expecting. So, he decided to hit back with his previous alias, i.e. Marilou - a female poster of the Board:

MARILOU: "Diogenes, Welcome to this Board but, for goodness sake, can't you think of any other resolutions for the NEW YEAR that make more sense? Oh, you of poor COMMON SENSE! How embarrassing for your name to ask such silly questions... Haven't you ever thought that we owe our wonderfully made body a bit of respect? Who are those who bring all the silly and self-destructive fashions around, and what are they after? Of course they are shrewd people who know how to make money out of fools!

My advice is to leave your body in peace! Don't make any holes on it! And, excuse me to say, try to patch up some 'holes' in your mind! Sorry to disturb you on the first day of the New Year, but really someone has to wake you up... I am also disappointed with all those who kindly advised you as to how you should proceed in making holes in your precious body. Isn't there any sober man or woman in the Board to kindly warn you out of this? Or have some missed this stupid topic?

Happy New Year to you, Diogenes! And Happy New Year to all the others, 'pierced or not pierced'! Peace and warm hugs for all, even for those who bite! Marilou"

Now Diogenes answered back to Marilou by saying: "Marilou, you are the one who BITES! At least you shouldn't do it on the first day of the year. And, listen to this: I do not accept your advices. My body belongs to me and I am free to do as I am pleased."

And, sure enough, there were many angry posters who rushed in to support him by attacking Marilou. Here is a sample:

ISABELLA: "Marilou, you spew insulting hateful bile and then wish peace and love? How about leading by example? I was impressed by your first posts. Now you've shown yourself to be judgmental, petty and mean. You are not representing your faith well. Our bodies are a temporary vessel and ours to adorn as we please. What's a little hole here & there or some artwork? If there is a god, I hope he's got bigger fish to fry. Lighten up!"

There were more postings in the same angry "spirit" and Diogenes had a good laugh at all of them. However, at the same time he was disappointed, and he couldn't help questioning about the posters' intelligence. And he still wonders what would be the best way to make his messages intelligible, when even humor didn't help...

(This is a true story)